Why I’m Not On Facebook Much (maybe you should join me)
I started to feel like I was screaming in a barrel rolling down a hill towards a tree. Fire may have been involved. There was definitely urgency. Maybe that’s my personality, maybe it’s the state of the world, maybe it’s the nature of the medium, or maybe it’s all of the above and how they feed each other.
But it’s not just Facebook
This past July I was in a pub in Dalkey, Ireland just south of Dublin. It was mid-afternoon with just a thin crowd of young adults and everyone, literally every one, had their heads bowed. Mind you this was Ireland, the place where everyone talks all of the time. It was quiet and I was surrounded by electric blue faces staring down into the void. And missing an opportunity to connect with flesh and blood nearby.
Ask yourself this and answer honestly, when you post something do you come back and see who “Liked” it? Do you feel a bit put off when that brilliant post you spent an hour crafting doesn’t get attention? I do. We’re wired that way and it’s an unusual human that doesn’t want to be noticed and affirmed.
Social media and cigarettes
It occurred to me that social media might be addictive several years ago. I noticed that I was feeling drawn to Facebook the same way I had once felt drawn to nicotine. There was a tangible sense of withdrawal when I was offline, an oddly disconnected loneliness I felt even as I sat in a room full of people I liked. That unsettled feeling isn’t a bug, it’s a feature.
Social media applications are engineered to hijack reward systems in our brain that evolved over millennia to keep us alive. In the past being ‘liked’ meant being accepted by your tribe. That acceptance determined your literal survival. That acceptance meant your tribe would protect you and that your genes would be passed on. Now that drive for connection to others is steered through social media platforms by; advertising dollars, corporate interests, intelligence agencies (foreign and domestic), and others seeking to control your behavior for their benefit. They have weaponized your biology the same way drug dealers do.
Amplifying the Tribe
It’s an understatement to say that we live in anxious times. It's probably not coincidental that there are simultaneous opioid and social media epidemics. Opioids sedate us while social media activate dopamine pathways in our brain’s reward systems. That warm sense of safety, and belonging, that our tribe once gave us is now delivered digitally to increasingly segmented and often self-selecting groups. I suspect that the rise of tribal affiliation and polarization that we see in the world today is the direct result of social media amplifying both our connections and our differences. And that’s before you factor in the stress brought on by a 24/7 firehose of falsehood and misinformation. So social media randomly delivers stress and calm, a self reinforcing ecosystem of amplified anxiety and reward. Genius, no?
Choosing to Engage - Or Not
Like any addict you need to be ruthlessly truthful with yourself. Can you moderate your behavior when you are ‘under the influence’? Are you that guy who says, “I can quit anytime” as you walk up to the bar, call your dealer, place that next bet? Test yourself, take some time off from social media and see how you feel.
In my life I have been addicted to, or have had challenges with; alcohol, drugs, nicotine, coffee, food, and social media. (We’ll leave shitty relationships and self destructive behavior out for now but they too can be unhealthy addictions.) Each addiction had it’s own feel and each arose from choices I had made. Now, if there is any doubt whatsoever about a former vice I just steer clear. It’s simple, sometimes difficult, and occasionally under my control.
What I do
Nicotine I won’t touch, it’s been over 20 years and I can clearly recall how terrible it felt to quit. Occasionally I'll drink but with a firm ’one only’ rule. Drugs are off limits (except in Seattle). Right now I could pee in any beaker that beady-eyed Jefferson Beauregard Sessions might put in front of me but I’d rather just hose him down with a drug free stream. (I can dream, can’t I?) Coffee is non-negotiable and, as my only current vice, not something I’m too worried about. Which brings me back to why I am moderating my social media intake.
There were moments, particularly when my mother’s health was slipping and I was feeling overwhelmed, when the support of friends and family through Facebook helped sustain me. I have loved the serendipitous reconnection with people I haven’t seen in ages but still care about. There are nomads, artists, and creative dissidents who I follow digitally whose spirits and energy renew my flagging faith in my country and the world. All of that is factored in when I step away from the screen.
But I am choosing to step back, not off, to preserve my mental health. I have turned off all notifications on my iPhone except for, well, the phone. Now I interact with news, social media, and messaging apps at the time of my choosing, not when the distraction engine summons me. That choice makes all the difference.
I hope to see you all soon. Offline.
Inspiration and Sources:
The Golden Palominos - “Ambitions Are”
You're terrified of what you crave
Don't get delighted
They want you scared
The sweet things don't stick around but the bullshit lasts forever
Please press pound
You're dual-channeling for new friends or just new things to envy
Who's running the machine you run on?
